False News Flash! (A Blast from the Past)
This is a re-arrangement of an amusing false news flash that circulated around various school teacher common rooms about 20 years ago:
NEW YORK
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator.
At a morning press conference the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of Maths instruction. “Al-gebra is a problem for us,” said the Attorney General. “They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’. But we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are three sides to every triangle.’”
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Crump said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of Maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”
White House aides told the gathered reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
This is a re-arrangement of an amusing false news flash that circulated around various school teacher common rooms about 20 years ago:
NEW YORK
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator.
At a morning press conference the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of Maths instruction. “Al-gebra is a problem for us,” said the Attorney General. “They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’. But we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are three sides to every triangle.’”
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Crump said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of Maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”
White House aides told the gathered reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
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