Allow Yourself To Be A Better Person by Balroop SinghMy rating: 3 of 5 stars
My initial reaction to this self-help book was one of gloom and slight horror. This was because I usually consider such so-called guides as self-congratulatory and arrogant. Why anyone should think that their opinion about someone else’s behaviour (someone they have never met or known) is not only important to the said someone, but also why they should take any notice of it whatsoever? For starters, what is meant by the phrase in the book’s title of ‘a Better Person?’ The implication is in the opinion of the author.
It seems to me that the use of an early sub-heading in the book like ‘Give up Arrogance’ becomes, ironically, arrogant. Particularly when the author proceeds to give the reader a steady diatribe for a couple of pages about various attributes that can be blamed on arrogance. We are given checklists to help us avoid it and even supplied with a clever acronym, with each letter of the word illustrating the more positive aspects of behaviour one should aim for. Aspects such as ‘A… aspire for affable and altruistic attitude; R… respect relationships and relinquish power; R… respect realms of rationalism to reconcile and remediate’ for the first three letters of ARROGANCE. My first thought here was when does self-confidence become interpreted as arrogance? The first half of the book for me did not leave much room for people who were quite happy and still confident enough to be quiet, gentle and obedient, in other words - meek! All of Jesus Christ’s sayings or Beatitudes given in his Sermon on the Mount were to his followers of course. But they were essentially to all people and about loving your fellow humans. The third Beatitude informed them and the rest of the world that the meek will inherit the earth. Now the ‘meek’ are quiet, gentle people; and therefore, not quite as self-confident and go-getting as Balroop Singh implies we could (should?) be in her book. Was Christ being arrogant or just well informed, wise and concerned for all humans? I say this from the point of view of a non-believer, but it makes such good sense. We cannot all have ‘inspirational personalities’ as detailed in the book, surely? Otherwise the world would be full of leaders but without any followers, that is those who just get on and get things done within their communities around the world.
I wanted to know on what authority Ms Singh makes these assertions. Was it through professional training; life experience; or purely through deep thinking for hours and hours? But credit where it is due she does mention being a teacher in her past, a teacher who feels that she learned a lot from her own students about behaviour and attitudes. As a retired teacher myself I can fully recognise that valuable piece of self-education. Reading on in the book made me consider some ideas with a different viewpoint. And it does cover a wide spread of matters, admittedly, many of them supported by her personal experiences, encouraging self-reflection. There are many things within Allow Yourself to Be a Better Person that would encourage me to go back to it, if I had misgivings about certain situations, and needed advice or a different angle on things. Although much of what she writes seems to be based upon her own experiences and her observations about the behaviour of her own siblings, there is much that does re-inforce one’s need to self-reflect occasionally, maybe often in some cases!
I suppose the bottom line is to admit that we all have space for personal enrichment. The author does insist you examine so many personal aspects, quite apart from arrogance, such as anger and aggression, fear and inspiration, hope and despair, envy and empathy in our search for betterment. There are times in most lives when change or loss for example may cause desperation and confusion. This book could be a useful guide for many people under various unfortunate situations. The main problem for me was that the author’s approach often came across as too insistent on immediate attention or obedience, when careful consideration may be all that is required.
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